Snapshots
by xfilefan17
Summary: Snapshots of Mulder and Scully's lives together. Will become MSR. First fic! Started on my own storyline, finally!
1. The Pilot

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mulder or Scully, but I do own lots of footage of them. Kinda makes me sound like a perv.**

**This is my first fic, and I'm very exited about it. But if it sucks, tell me, I want to know!! **

**This is a fluffy story taking place over Mulder and Scully's time together. For a little while, it will pretty much just be what I've decided they are thinking during certain episodes. Will become MSR!!**

**Italics are either Mulder's or Scully's thoughts, are labeled at the beginning of each section.**

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**Scully's thoughts**

Ding! Click, click. Knock, knock, knock

"Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted." _Oh great, not only do I get stuck working with a crackpot, but he's also a smartass. Oh, god, look at this office! "I Want to Believe?" _

"Agent Mulder. I'm Dana Scully, I've been assigned to work with you."

"Oh, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded? So, who did you tick off to get stuck with this detail, Scully?" _Ok…_

"Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you. I've heard a lot about you."

"Oh, really? I was under the impression... that you were sent to spy on me." _And he's a pain in the ass. But he _is_ gorgeous. I guess anyone who looks like that can be a little eccentric._

"If you have any doubt about my qualifications or credentials, th..."

"You're a medical doctor, you teach at the academy. You did your undergraduate degree in physics." Picking up a folder, "Einstein's Twin Paradox, A New Interpretation. Dana Scully Senior Thesis." Now that's a credential, rewriting Einstein." _At least he can do research. And well._

"Did you bother to read it?"

"I did. I liked it. It's just that in most of my work, the laws of physics rarely seems to apply. Maybe I can get your medical opinion on this, though…"

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"Official laboratory inspection of the body and x-ray analysis confirms homologous but possibly mutated mammalian physiology. However, does not account for small unidentified object found in subject's nasal cavity. A grey metallic implant form..." _What the hell is this thing?_

Knock, Knock

"Who is it?"

"Steven Spielberg!" Smiling, _oh, god! I think I may actually like him!! _"I'm way too wired. I'm going for a run, you want to come?"

"Pass." _He is pretty cute wearing that baseball cap! _

"You figure out what that little thing up Ray Soames' nose is yet? "

"No..." Yawning, "And I'm not losing any sleep over it. Good night." Looking at the x-ray, _well, maybe a little sleep…_

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Mulder swings open the door and sees Scully in just a bathrobe.

"Hi."

"I want you to look at something." _Oh, god, what's happening to me?!?!_

"Come on in." As soon as Mulder shuts the door, she drops the robe to the floor, revealing her bra and panties.

"What are they?" _I'm going to die here!!! Why is he smiling!!! "_Mulder, what are they?"

"Mosquito bites."

_What? _"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I got eaten up a lot myself out there." _I'm ok! Why am I still standing here half naked, then? _She grabs her robe and slips it on, then hugs Mulder.

"You okay?"

"Yes." She pulls away from him.

"You're shaking."

"I need to sit down." She sits down. He sits across from her.

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**Mulder's thoughts**

Scully is laying on the bed, Mulder is sitting on the floor next to the bed.

"I was twelve when it happened. My sister was eight. She just disappeared out of her bed one night. Just gone, vanished. No note, no phone calls, no evidence of anything." _Why am I telling her this? She doesn't believe. Maybe she won't think I'm as crazy if she knows… _

"You never found her."

"Tore the family apart. No one would talk about it. There were no facts to confirm, nothing to offer any hope."

"What did you do?" _Found facts. In the X-Files._

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------_

At the cemetery, in the pouring rain.

"They're both empty." _Damn it!! We've got to get ahead of whoever's doing this. What if…_

"What is going on here?"

"I think I know who did it. I think I know who killed Karen Swenson." _Oh, she's not gonna like this._

"Who? The detective?"

"The detective's son. Billy Miles."

"The boy in the hospital? The vegetable?! Billy Miles, a boy who's been in a coma for the last four years, got out here and dug up these graves?" _Yup, she didn't like that. But it's the only thing that makes sense._

"Peggy O'Dell was bound to a wheelchair but she ran in front of that truck. Look, I'm not making this up, it all fits the profile of alien abduction."

"This fits a profile?"

"Yes. Peggy O'Dell was killed at around nine-o-clock, that's right around the time we lost nine minutes on the highway, I think that something happened in that nine minutes. I think that time, as we know it, stopped. And something took control over it." Scully smiles, about to laugh. "You think I'm crazy." Mulder walks away when Scully nods. _How could I think she might actually believe me? _He turns back toward her, noticing she looks troubled. "What?"

"Peggy O'Dell's watch stopped a couple of minutes after nine. I made a note of it when I saw the body."

_She's starting to believe me!! _"That's the reason the kids come to the forest, because the forest controls them and summons them there. And, and, and the marks are from, from some kind of test that's being done on them. And, and that may be causing some kind of genetic mutation which would explain the body that we dug up."

"And the force summoned Theresa Nemman's body into the woods tonight."

"Yes, but it was Billy Miles who took her there, summoned by some alien impulse. That's it!" _She actually believes me!!! Oh, my god!! _Scully laughs at the fact she is actually buying this. Mulder smiles at her. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to pay a visit to Billy Miles."

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**Scully's thoughts**

Scully lays in bed watching the time pass on her clock. _How can that be true? It goes against everything I have ever believed. Except that I do believe it. I believe Mulder. _The phone rings, she leans over and picks it up.

"Hello?"

"Scully? It's me, I haven't been able to sleep. I talked to the D.A.'s office in Raymon County, Oregon. There's no case file on Billy Miles. The paperwork we filed is gone. We need to talk, Scully."

"Y, yes. Tomorrow." _Someone's hiding our work. This is no accident. Maybe Mulder isn't crazy._

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**Please review!!! Tell me if I should continue. Thanks for reading!!! ;P**


	2. Irresistible

**Well, I got 2 positive review which is more than enough for me to continue. I'll probably only be able to update on weekends so I'll try to get 2 chapters out every weekend. I couldn't wait any longer to start a little bit of the MSR, even if its only Mulder's thoughts.**

**Please review!! Reviews make me happy!!! :D**

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**Mulder's Thoughts**

Mulder, Scully, and another man walking through a cemetery (Bocks).

"I got the call from Minneapolis PD, saying they wanted the FBI to come out and have a look. Anything slightly freakazoid, that's the drill: call Moe Bocks. As if I'm tight with all the nut cases in town. So I shoot on down here to see what's-the-what and I'll be damned if I'm not knocked on my butt by what they show me. Twenty two years, I've never seen anything like it. I get one look at the corpse and I'm on the phone to my pal Andi Schnider down at the Mutual UFO Network. You know Andi?"

"No." _I guess I'm in with all the nutcases too._

"Well, he knows you."

"Why'd you call Mufon?"

"I wanted to see if there'd been much UFO activity in the area."

"You think this grave was unearthed by aliens, Agent Bocks?" _Even I'm a little skeptical about that one._

"It has all the telltale markings, don't you think?" _Nope. _"I mean, according to the literature."

"The literature?" _I thought I was the only FBI agent who read UFO literature._

"Y'know. The way the hair and nails have been cut away. Sort of like they do in cattle mutilations." _She doesn't look like cattle to me._

"I hate to disappoint you, Agent Bocks, but this doesn't look like the work of aliens to me."

"No? How can you be sure?" _Jesus! He is _actually_ disappointed!! He wants it to aliens._

"I've seen this kind of thing before. When I was with the Violent Crime Section. Whoever dug this up probably used a backhoe. If you took casts of the ground in the area, you'd probably lift some clean new tracks off the garage around here somewhere." _I've never seen an alien with a backhoe before. Interesting thought though._

"You think?" _Would I have said it if I didn't?_

"He may work here, but it's not likely. Though he's probably worked at a cemetery or a mortuary at one time or another. Probably been busted before, but you're not going to find any record of it. Not real good for business when these stories get around." _Screwing around with a corpse, yea, bad for business._

"You're saying some human's been doing this?" _If its wasn't aliens, what else could it be?_

"If you want to call him that."

"Well, don't I feel like a dumb butt." _I believe it's actually dumb_ass_!_

Scully ventures one last look into the grave, the image giving her a cold shudder. Mulder & Scully move back to their car, Bocks stays behind.

Seeing Scully shutter at her last glance toward the grave, they start back toward their car. "You okay, Scully?"

"Yeah... I've read about cases of desecrating the dead, but this is the first time I've seen one."

"Nothing can prepare you for it. It's almost impossible to imagine."

"Why do they do it?"

"Some people collect salt and pepper shakers. The fetishist collects dead things. Hair, fingernails... no one quite knows why. Though I've never quite understood salt and pepper shakers myself."

"Sometimes you surprise me, Mulder." _What'd I say?_

"Why?" He opens Scully's door before going round to his.  
"How that didn't shock you back there."

"I've prepared myself for it before we left Washington."

Giving him a look, "You knew it wasn't UFO related from the start?"

_This is gonna piss her off. Hope she likes football. _ "I had suspected as much."

"Mulder, we flew three hours to get here. Our plane doesn't leave until tomorrow night. If you suspected, why –"

Pulling two tickets from his pocket, **"**Vikings versus Redskins, in the Metrodome. Forty yard line, Scully. You and me." _Hehe!_

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**Scully's Thoughts**

In an alley at night, flashing lights from police cars. There's a body covered with a sheet.

"We're still waiting for someone to ID the body." Bocks leads Mulder and Scully toward the body. "Judging from this area, I'd say she was probably a working girl." _Oh, god, can I handle this?_

A prostitute is led toward the body by an officer. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Who did this to her? Who did this?" She's pulled away.  
"Was it him?" _How is he so calm?_

"It looks like it. Knife wound the length of her torso. All her hair was cut off. He took her fingernails. But this time, he took some fingers, too. Do you want to see the body?"

Mulder stars toward the body, looking back, he sees Scully isn't following.  
"I need a minute." _A lot more than one._

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Analyst studying a piece of fabric using a microscope. "At first glance, there's not much to work with. Satin doesn't hold a print real well. There could be a latent somewhere in these blood stains, but I suspect the killer used gloves." _Please find something!! I can't go back!_

"The body was shipped on my flight. I should be here within the hour."

"We'll take a look. How long are you in town, Agent Scully?" _Do I have to leave?_

"I've got a flight back to Minneapolis booked for tonight. But I might cancel." _I can't cancel. I just can't._

"I've put all other work aside."  
Nodding, Scully walks away.

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Scully sitting in an office with another woman. With a shaky voice, "You think you find a way to deal with these things. In med school, you develop a clinical detachment to death. In your FBI training, you are confronted with cases, the most terrible and violent cases. You think you can look into the face of pure evil. And then you find yourself paralysed by it."

Surprised, "Are you aware you've been talking about yourself in the second person?"

"No. Was I?"

"Do you know why?"

_I'm afraid. "_Probably as another way of trying to detach myself from it."

"You're a strong person. You've probably always felt you can handle any problem yourself. But you feel vulnerable now. Do you know why that is?"

Quietly, "No."

"Is it your partner? Is there a problem with trust –"

_I couldn't trust him more._ "No. I trust him as much as anyone. I'd trust him with my life."

"Can you talk to him about the way you're feeling?"

"No." Pausing, "I don't want him to know how much this is bothering me. I don't want him to think he has to protect me." _I need him to see me as a strong person. He can't worry about me._

"I know you lost your father last year. And I read in your file that you were very ill recently. That your life was threatened. Exposures like these can leave you extremely vulnerable."

Fighting tears, "I know these things. I'm conscious of them. I know the world is full of predators, just as it has always been. And I know it's my job to protect people from them. And I've counted on that fact to give me faith in my ability to do what I do... I want that faith back... I need it back." _I don't think I can survive without it._

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**Mulder's Thoughts**

Bocks on the phone, "Nothing registered to Donald Pfaster? Right... right. Got it." Hanging up. "The paint is called Ivory Bone. It's a two-step enamel used by three makers of late model mid-sized car. They estimate there may be about sixty thousand cars that fit this description in the metropolitan area."

_Shut up, Shut up, SHUT UP!!! _Mulder on his cell, "Nothing? No one saw her leave the rental agency...? There was no attendant in the area...?" Hanging up, then speaking to Bocks, "People videotape police beatings on dark streets. They see Elvis in three cities across America every day. But no one saw a pretty woman being run off the road in her rental car." _Where can she be? I need to find her! I'll never forgive myself if anything happens to her._

"He could have taken her anywhere. How're we going to find her?" _Thanks, that's helpful._

"We've got to go back to the beginning. As nasty as it seems, we've got to get into this guy's head. How he thinks. Where would he go?"

"Anywhere but his mother's right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Being that he's so pissed off at her. From what your profile says."

_Wait a minute, that might be it._ "Do we know where his mother lives?"

"I don't know." _That is not an option._

"Let's find out."

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Mulder and Bocks studying a computer screen.

"The mother lives in Boca Raton, Florida. Correction. She used to live there. She died a year ago." _Shit!!_

"Did she have a car registered to her?"

"A late model white sedan." _We're getting there. Just not fast enough… _

"He inherited the car. Boca Raton could have been a winter house. Was there a residence here in Minneapolis?"

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**Scully's Thoughts**

The closet door opens and Donnie enters. He kneels down and looks at Scully's fingernails. Then he cuts the rope binding her feet.  
Gagged Scully, "Get the hell away from me!!" _I will kill you!!_  
She sees Donnie's face transform into different men's faces, then to a demonic creature. Finally, she sees Donnie again. _Oh, my god!! What's happening?_

"Don't be afraid." _Yea, right!_

He leads her to the bathroom, still gagged, where the tub is filled with water and bubbles. Donnie checks the different shampoos.

"Would you say your hair is normal or dry?" _Oh, my god! _Turning, he sees Scully backing out of the door. "Now where are you going?" _Away from you!_

Donnie tries to grab Scully, but she shoves him into the water. She runs out of the bathroom. Donnie gets out of the rub and starts chasing her. He walks out of the bathroom and looks around. Scully is nowhere to be seen. He starts walking around look for her.

Scully tries the front door, but it's locked. She runs, looking for a place to hide. _Oh, shit! Oh, shit!!!_

"There's no way out, girly girl." Walking into a room and taking a gun out of a drawer. "I know this house, girly girl. There's nowhere to hide."

Hearing a noise in another room, he runs in that direction. Opening a closed door, Scully jumps out and sprays him in the eyes, then runs. _You bastard. _He stumbles back. Scully runs to the stairs, Donnie following. He catches her at the top and they both fall down the stairs. When they hit the floor, Donnie's gun flies out of his hand. Scully crawls for the gun. Donnie, seeing her, jumps on her. She points the gun at him, and sees the demon again. She is startled so Donnie grabs the gun from her. The door bursts open. Mulder, Bocks, and other officers run in.

"FEDERAL AGENTS! HANDS IN THE AIR!" _Oh, Mulder!! Thank god!!_

Donnie raises hands slowly and the other men grab him.

Mulder kneels in front of Scully. She tries to get up. Shouting, "Let's get the paramedics out here!" _No! I don't want to have any one near me!_

"I'm okay." _I have to be._

"Just stay there, Scully."

She ignores him. Scully stands with Mulder's help. "I'm fine. Just help me get my wrists undone." Mulder unties her. "How did you find me?"

"His Mother used to own the house, willed it to the sisters. I played a hunch. A patrolman spotted the car out front."

Scully rubs her wrists as she watches Donnie being handcuffed on the floor. She won't meet Mulder's eyes. _Stay calm, Dana. Save your tears for when you're alone._

"Why don't you sit down until someone can take a look at you."

Quietly, shakily. "Mulder, I'm fine."

Mulder tips her chin up and forces her to meet his gaze. Her eyes fill with tears and she losses her composure. Mulder holds her as she sobs. She finally allows herself to hold him. She sobs in his arms as her holds her tight.

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**Mulder's Thoughts**

_I can't believe I came so close to losing her. What would I have done if I was 2 minutes later? I don't think I can live without her. I think… I think I'm in love with her…_

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**Is it just me or is Donnie Pfaster right up there on the evilness scale with CSM?**

**Please tell me what you think. I'm needy... :P**


	3. War of the Coprophages

**I cut out the dialogue between ****Eckerle and Frass in the house and between Mulder and Eckerle. They didn't have anything to do with Mulder and Scully and they are the only ones I care about. Oddly, this fic doesn't seem to be about the storyline in the episode. Don't ask me how that works. I don't know…**

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**Scully's Thoughts**

Sitting in his car in the woods, Mulder's cell phone rings, " Mulder."

Scully's voice on the phone, "Mulder, where have you been? I've been trying to reach you all day." _Finally, he answers._

"Oh, my apartment complex was being fumigated so I thought I'd get away for the weekend. I came up to Massachusetts."

Cut, Scully cleaning her gun at her kitchen table. "Visiting your mother?"

Back in the car, "No, just, uh... sitting and thinking." Back to Scully. _Just thinking? Did he need to go to Massachusetts for that. He could have come over here if he can't stay home. _"Widespread accounts of unidentified colored lights hovering in the skies were reported last night." _Oh, UFO's. Why didn't I think of that? _Back to Mulder. "Look, Scully, I know it's not your inclination but... did you ever look up into the night sky and feel certain that... not only was something up there but... it was looking down on you at that exact same moment and was just as curious about you as you are about it?"

Cut to Scully dismantling and inspecting a screwdriver. _He knows what I think already. He's baiting me. _"Mulder, I think the only thing more fortuitous than the emergence of life on this planet is that, through purely random laws of biological evolution, an intelligence as complex as ours ever emanated from it." Putting the screwdriver back together, "Uh, the, the very idea..." Back to Mulder, "...of intelligent alien life is not only..." Back to Scully, "...astronomically improbable but at it's most basic level, downright anti-Darwinian."

"Scully... what are you wearing?" _What would he do if I said I'm not wearing anything?_

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Scully eating a salad in front of her tv. The phone rings. _What did Mulder find? _"Hello?"

Cut to Mulder in a basement, kneeling next to a body in an exterminator uniform.

"I think you better get up here."

_I want to be with him, but not looking for UFOs. _"What is it?"

"It appears that cockroaches are mortally attacking people."

Cut to Scully. _What happened to the UFOs? This is weirder though. _"I'm not going to ask you if you just said what I think you just said because I know it's what you just said."

Back to the basement. A doctor is next to Mulder wearing latex gloves. "I'm crouching over a bug exterminator whose recently deceased body was discovered with cockroaches crawling all over him. The local sheriff says that two other bodies were found in the same condition this afternoon."

Back to Scully. _Okay... _"Where are you again?"

"Miller's Grove." Back to Mulder. The owner of the house and the officer who stopped Mulder earlier, Frass, are nearby. "It has a large science constituency. The other incidents involved a molecular biologist and an astrophysicist and the witness to this case is an alternative fuel researcher. These reports are not coming from yahoos out in the boondock."

Back to the awesome Scully. "Were there insect bites on the body?"

Back to Foxy (lol, I'm a dork!!) Mulder, who addresses the doctor, "Insect bites?"

"No."

"No"

Back to Scully. _Ah ha. This is not weird then. _"'Cause you know, Mulder, millions of people are actually allergic to cockroaches. There have been reported cases of fatal reactions. It's called, uh, anaphylactic shock."

Back to Mulder. "Anaphylactic shock?"

Switch to Scully. "M-hmm. Many such reactions have occurred to entomologists or, uh, exterminators."

"Okay, we'll check that out."

"You still want me to come up?" _Say yes..._

Switch to Mulder, standing, "No, no, no, I'm sure you're right. Thanks, Scully." He hangs up.

Frass has a suspicious look on his face. "Who was that?"

"My drug dealer."

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**Mulder's Thoughts**

Scully sitting on her couch, reading a book. The phone rings again. "Who died now?" _Is Scully psychic? Could be an X-File._

Cut to Mulder, standing over the body of the doctor as he is covered with a sheet. "The medical examiner. His body was found next to a toilet, covered in roaches." Cut to Scully. "I really think you should come..."

"A toilet? Check his eyes." _She's gonna debunk my theory..._

Back to Mulder. He opens up one of the doctor's eyes. It is dilated and bloodshot. "Is one of them bloodshot with a dilated pupil?"

"Yeah." _Damn it!_

Back to Scully. "It's probably a brain aneurysm."

"Brain aneurysm?"

"Straining too forcefully is very common causation for bursting a brain aneurysm." _I'll have to remember that._

Cut to Mulder. A cart is wheeled in and Mulder stands. "Well, how do you explain the roaches, though?"

Cut to Scully. "Did you catch any?"

_Well... _"Almost."

"I don't know what to tell you, Mulder. I just hope you're not implying you've come across an infestation of killer cockroaches." _She is psychic... I should investigate that..._

Cut to Mulder, who obviously off in his own little world.

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Mulder jumps a fence and his phone rings. "Mulder."

"Mulder? I've been doing some research." _Maybe she's starting to buy my theory._ Mulder starts walking toward the house. Cut to Scully who is eating ice cream out of a box at her computer."Back in the mid-'80s, there was a cockroach species previously only found in Asia. And since then, it's made an appearance in Florida. They've now completely established themselves in this country."

Cut to Mulder at the house. "Do they attack people?" _Go G-Woman!_

"No, but they do exhibit behavior different than our domestic breeds." Switch to Scully. "They, they fly for long distances and they're attracted to light."

Back to Mulder. "But do they attack people?" _Come on, help me out!_

Cut to Scully. "I'm suggesting that what's happening out there might be the introduction to this country of a new species of cockroach..." Switch to Mulder. "One that is attracted to people."

_Yes!! She believes me! _"Well, that all makes perfect sense, Scully. I don't like it at all. Did you know that the federal government, under the guise as the department of agriculture, as been conducting secret experiments up here?"

"Mulder, you're not thinking about trespassing onto government property again, are you?" Mulder pulls out a lockpick gun. Cut to Scully. "I know that you've done it in the past, but I don't think that this case warrants..."

_I think it does. I wish she was with me though. _"It's too late, I'm already inside."

Scully hits the desk with her hand and sighs. Cut to Mulder, who is looking around the house with a flashlight.

_Oh, I think I pissed her off._

"Well, what's going on? What do you see?"

_Damn, its normal looking. _"I'm a house. It's apparently empty."

Cut to Scully, eating ice cream. "What does the place look like?"

Switch to Mudler. "It's a, uh... typical two-story suburban house. Nice big living room, sparsely furnished..." _Nothing suspicious yet. _Back to Scully, still eating. "Nice carpets... fireplace..." Cut to Mulder who is walking into a kitchen. "Nice kitchen. Modern appliances." He looks closer at the wall and sees bumps moving under the wallpaper. "Moving walls." _What the fuck??_

Switch back to Scully. "Moving walls?"

Cut to Mulder. "Yeah. They're rippling." _I think I'm getting sea sick._ "He pokes a hole in the wallpaper with his flashlight and cockroaches start pouring out. "Oh! Cockroaches!" _Oh, goddamn it!! Get away from me!!_

Cut to Scully. "What?!"

Back to Mulder. "Cockroaches. They're everywhere."

Coakroaches cover the walls, appliances, the floor and even run over Mulder's feet. "Ah, I'm surrounded." _Now I really wish she was with me._

Back to Scully. "Mulder, you've got to get out of there right now!" Mulder screams. "Are you all right? What happened?"

Back to Mulder who is shaking his flashlight (and that isn't a cheeky euphamism). "Flashlight went out..." The overhead light turns on.

Cut to Scully. "Mulder, what's going on?"

Cut to Mulder, grinning. "Got to go."

He hangs up. Cut to Scully. "Mulder! Mulder!" A dialtone is audible.

She lowers the phone. Cut to Mulder, who also lowers his phone. He stares at the woman in front of him.

"May I ask why you're trespassing on government property?"

_I have boundary issues. _ "I'm a federal agent."

"So am I." _Shit._

Mulder shows his badge. "Agent Mulder, F.B.I."

Berenbaum show her badge. "Doctor Berenbaum, U.S.D.A. Agricultural research service."

_Well, that's not scary. I don't think they give doctors guns. Except for Scully. _"Doctor Berenbaum, I'm going to have to ask you a few questions."

"For instance?"

_Will you go out with me... _"What's a woman like you doing in a place like this?"

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Mulder is laying in bed, very awake. He checks his blanket, then under it for cockroaches. He sits up, and smells his hand(?), then brushes his hand through his hair. He flops back down on the bed. Sighing, he turns on the light and picks up the phone. _I'm losing it..._ _I need to talk to Scully... _ He rubs his eyes and dials. Cut to Scully, who is sleeping with the phone on her pillow. She grabs the phone before it finishes its first ring.

"Mulder, are you okay?"

"I can't sleep." _That's an understatement._

"What happened at the U.S.D.A. site?"

"They're conducting legitimate experiments." Back to Mulder. "I met an entomologist," _a hot entomologist, _"Doctor Berenbaum, who agrees with your theory of an accidental importation of a new cockroach species."

"Did he give you any idea of how to catch them?"

_Why does she assume it's a guy? _"No. But she did tell me everything else there is to know about insects."

Cut to Scully. "She?" _Is she jealous? Maybe she does like me. _Cut back to Mulder, who stands. "Yeah, did you know that the ancient Egyptians worshipped the scarab beetle and possibly erected the pyramids to honor them, which may be just giant symbolic dung heaps?"

Mulder walks into the bathroom.

Switch to Scully. "Did you know the inventor of the flush toilet was named Thomas Crapper?"

Mulder laughs a little. _Trying to hide your feelings, Agent Scully? I see through your facade... I think I need to sleep. _

"Bambi also has this theory I've never come acro..." Her eyes widen. "Who?"

_Oops, shouldn't have used her name. _"Doctor Berenbaum. Anyway, her theory is..."

"Her name is Bambi?" _Crap._

Cut to Mulder who walks out of the bathroom and to the window. _Oh, come on, my name is Fox. _"Yeah. Both her parents were naturalists. Her theory is that UFOs are actually nocturnal insect swarms passing through electrical air fields."

Back to Scully, who is still in shock. "Her name is Bambi?

Cut to Mulder, rubbing his head. _Okay, let's get off this subject... _" Scully, can I confess something to you?"

Cut to Scully. "Yeah, sure, okay."

Back to Mulder. "I hate insects."

Back to Sculy. "You know, lots of people are afraid of insects, Mulder. It's just a... it's a natural, instinctive."

Cut to Mulder, who is looking at a magazine while sitting the bed. _Uhg__. _"No, no, I'm not afraid of them. I hate them. One day back when I was a kid, I, uh... I was climbing this tree when I noticed this leaf walking towards me. It took forever for me to realize that it was no leaf."

Cut back to Scully. "A praying mantis?"

Cut back to Mulder. _Psychic... _"Yeah, I had a praying mantis epiphany and, as a result, I screamed. No, not... not a girlie scream, but the scream of someone being confronted by some before unknown monster that had no right existing on the same planet I inhabited. Did you ever notice how a praying mantis' head resembles an alien's head? I mean, the mysteries of the natural world were revealed to me that day, but instead of being astounded, I was... repulsed."

"Mulder..." Cut to Scully, "Are you sure it wasn't a girlie scream?" _Maybe... But I'm not telling you that. _Cut to Mulder. A man screams before he answers. Cut back to Scully. "What was that?"

Back to Mulder. _God damn it. _"Oh, I got to go."

He slams the phone. Cut to Scully. "Mul... no..." Back to the dialtone. She sighs and hangs up.

------------------------------------------------------------

**Scully's Thoughts**

Scully's phone rings while she is packing her suitcase. "What happened now?" _ Don't you dare hang up on me._

Cut to Mulder. A photographer takes a picture of a body and walks away. "One of the motel guests died."

Switch to Scully. "Mulder, I'm coming up there right now." _I should have come up right away._

Back to Mulder. "Scully, I think this man died from simply from a reaction to the cockroaches."

"Two cases of anaphylactic shock..." He sits on the foot of the bed. Cut to Scully, still packing. "...in the same day in the same town is highly improbable." _No way._

Cut to Mulder. "No, I... I'm saying that I think this mans imply had a heart attack." Frass walks in and hands him a stack of papers. "Word about the cockroach infestation and the deaths related to it have gotten out and... I think this man simply saw some cockroaches and scared himself to death."

Cut to Scully. _Oh, that's very logical. _"Regardless, Mulder, something strange is definitely going on up there." _How do you always find the weirdest situations around?_

Back to Mulder who is looking through the papers. "Maybe not. All your conjectures have proved correct. The exterminator did die from anaphylactic shock. The teenage boy did die from self-inflicted wounds and was getting high off methane fumes derived from burning manure. The medical examiner did die from a brain aneurysm."

Cut back to Scully. _Finally, I get to be right!! _"I still haven't been able to explain the cockroaches at all the sites."

Cut to Mulder. "Or the fact that their exoskeletons are made of metal."

_What! _"Metal? What are you talking about? Mulder?"

Mulder looks under a table and finds a roach motel. Cut back to Scully. _Once I get there, he won't be able to ignore me so easy. _"Mulder, I'm coming up there."

Cut to Mulder who is going toward the roach motel. "Whatever."

He hangs up and picks up the roach motel. There is a cockroach inside.

------------------------------------------------------------

Scully is walking into a convenience store. It's in chaos. Looks like punches are about to be thrown.

"Hey, kid, move! Gimme that!"

"Hands off, buddy!"

Everyone seems to want "Die! Bug! Die!" cans.

Standing in the doorway, Scully turns to look behind her when a car crashes into one stopped at the pumps. _What the hell? _

"Hey, what are you crazy? Watch yourself!" _You're all crazy!!_

"Hey, you idiot, you hit me!"

Scully walks in and a man brushes past her harshly. _Learn some manners, ass. _

Addressing the clerk, "Excuse me, do you sell road maps?" The clerk nods. "Could you tell me where they are?"

An impatient shopper. "Come on, hurry up!"

_Just tell me where the maps are._** "**What's going on here?"

"Haven't you heard about the roaches? They're devouring people whole." Scully looks at her like she has sprouted another head. _Would this happen to be Mulder's handiwork? _ "Everybody's getting the hell out of here."

"Have you seen any of cockroaches yourself?"

"No, but they're everywhere." _If you haven't seen them, then why are you freaking out?_

The woman hurries away and a man takes her place.** "**Roaches aren't attacking people, lady. They're spreading the Ebola virus." _Ah, even more insanity... Mulder can't be far._ "Look, keep the change."He starts out the door. "We're all going to be bleeding from our nipples!"

_I don't think that's what would happen. _"All right," she yells, holding up her badge. _At least Mulder has given me lots of practice at talking to crazy people. _"All right, listen up!" _Whoa, these people actually listen to me. "_I'm Agent Dana Scully from the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I am assuring you that you are not in any danger. Everything is going to be okay if you just calm down, and start acting rationally. Now, where the hell are those road maps?" _Did that get through anyone's skull?_

Two woman start struggling over the last can of "Die! Bug! Die!"

"Hey! This last can is mine!"

As they struggle, one is knocked backwards into a store display. Candy boxes fall to the floor and break open. Small, brown pebbles spill on the floor.

"Roaches!" _Those don't even look like roaches. _

People start screaming and running. Within seconds, Scully is alone in the store. The only sounds are screams, engines starting and honking outside. Scully walks over to the candy and picks up a box. She eats a piece and looks around. _I love these. I could take a couple of boxes and no one would know..._

------------------------------------------------------

_No wonder Mulder keeps talking about her. He has a crush._ "Let me guess... Bambi."

"Fox told me to wait out here while he checked inside first." _**Fox!!**__ That bitch! _Scully unbuckles and gets out of the car. Should I come along with you?

"No... this is no place for an entomologist." _This is my thing. _She takes out her gun, checks the clip and walks to the building.

---------------------------------------------------------

_There he is, _"Mulder!"

"Get out, Scully! This whole place could blow!" _It's always something with him... _They run out of the building. Mulder sees Bambi still in the car. "Get down!" She ducks down while Mulder and Scully run for cover. They take cover behind a car as the building explodes; flames burst out and manure rains down on everything, including the agents. "Crap." _Smart ass..._

------------------------------------------------------

Ivanov comes up to the agents and Bambi. "Agent Mulder? They told me I could locate you here. Those, uh, segments you showed me earlier... may I examine them again?"

_Who's this guy? _Mulder shrugs and reaches into his pocket. "Well, they're completely desiccated... just like the molted exoskeleton." He hands a bag to Ivanov.

"You know, many insects don't develop wings until their last molting stage. Perhaps whatever these things were, they had their final molt and have flown off back to wherever they originated."

_Whatever, Bambi. Uhg, she bugs me... _"Yeah, that would explain everything."

Mulder looks at her and is about to say something but Ivanov cuts him off.

"May I borrow this, Agent Mulder, for further study?"

"Well, I've already had a similar sample analyzed, it's nothing but common metals. What do you hope to find from it?"

"His destiny."

_**What?! **_**"**Isn't that what Doctor Zaius said to Zira at the end of 'The Planet of the Apes?'"

She smiles and nods. "It's one of my favorite movies."

"Mine too. I love science fiction."

_Oh, please, take her away from him! I want to have him all to myself. _Mulder looks at them oddly.

"I'm also fascinated by your research." Bambi and Ivanov leave together. "Have you ever considered programming the robots to mimic the behavior of social insects like ants or bees?"

"As a matter of fact, I have."

"You know, I read in November of '94 in 'Entomology Extreme...'"

"Oh, I remember that..."

"Your article about the pollination of..."

_Goodbye, Bambi! What the hell kind of name is that anyway? _""Yes, I really enjoyed writing about that..."

Mulder watches them leave. He looks sad.

"Smart is sexy."_ You're sexy... Oh, shit, I can't think that about my partner. _Mulder looks at her, skeptically. "Well, think of it this way, Mulder. By the time there's another invasion of artificially-intelligent, dung-eating robotic probes from outer space, maybe their uber-children will have devised a way to save our planet."

"You know, I never thought I'd say this to you, Scully... but you smell bad."

He smirks and walks away with the umbrella.

_Asshole!!_


	4. Arcadia

**Arcadia is probably my very favorite episode. It is freaking sweet!! It's just funny how Mulder keeps touching Scully and she looks pissed!!**

**I fixed some problems in chap 2 and 3. Nothing important, just grammer and things.**

--------------------------------------------------------

**Scully's Thoughts**

A mini-van pulls up to the curb in front of an upscale home and Mulder gets out. He's wearing a sweater over his shoulders (wearing a pink shirt). He looks basically like a geek. "Wow. Take a look at this. Honey, what do you think? Is this place us or what?" Scully smiles and they walk over to a woman, Pat Verlander, who is holding a ginormous welcome basket.

Pat looks very excited. "You must be the Petries. Hi. Welcome. Welcome to The Falls."

She thrusts the basket into Scully's arms and giggles nervously. _God damn it!! This is heavy. Why did she give it to me?_

Shaking her hand, "I'm Rob, and..." putting his hands affectionately on Scully's shoulders, "...this is my lovely wife, Laura." _I could shoot him right now..._

"Rob and Laura Petrie."

"We pronounce it 'Pee-trie,' actually."

Pat looks kind of upset and startled, "Oh."

"Like the dish."

She's trying to act normal and failing, "Well, it's so nice to meet you. I'm Pat Verlander. I live six doors down. I'm the neighborhood welcome wagon."

Scully struggles to keep hold of the basket but Mulder doesn't even try to help her. "Pleased to make your acquaintance, Pat." _I'm gonna make him pay later._

Pat looks even more nervous and she glances at her watch. "I really must say, it's already ten after 5:00. I don't think you're going to make it."

_Make what? _"I'm sorry?"

"The 6:00 cutoff? All move-ins are required to be completed by 6:00 p.m. Mulder and Scully are, for once the ones staring at someone like they just grew another head. "It's in the CC&Rs." They still look confused. "It's one of our rules." _That's stupid._

The three walk into the house. It is cleaner than any house I have ever seen. "Wow. The photos did not do it justice." _Maybe I can make do with the crazy rules for this house. _

People start carrying in boxes and furniture. (I wish my neighbors were this helpful!!)

Quietly, to other neighbors, "Guys, fast, fast now. Come on."

Mulder smiles at Scully and pats her shoulders. _Finally, _She turns, still holding the giant basket, but, instead of taking it from her, Mulder starts looking around. _Asshole. _Scully hesitates, then places the basket on a chair that was just carried in.

Mulder looks very happy, "The previous owners left it so clean." _And he thinks I'm anal about keeping my place clean._

Pat almost seems to be trying to distract Mulder and Scully from what is going on, "What do you do for a living Mr... Petrie? That's right, isn't it?"

Mulder grins and puts his arm around Scully's shoulders, pulling her to him. _I can't handle him touching me all the time!! It's gonna drive me nuts!!_ "Yeah, I, uh... I work mostly at home which is great for Laura because she gets me all to herself."

Laughing, "Oh."

"This place really is immaculate, Pat. I, uh, I wouldn't mind sending a thank-you note to the previous owners." _Take that!_

Now Pat looks really nervous, "Th-that's sweet. Um... Good." She runs to the door and leaves the house. _Uh huh, she's not hiding anything... _

As soon as she leaves, Scully shrugs Mulder's arm off her shoulders and gives him a warning look. _Would they hear me if I threatened his life right now? _Mulder nods, looking like he's having fun. There are loud voices outside. "Hurry up! Come on... Come on..."

Mulder and Scully go back outside. About a dozen people are hauling items off the truck and taking them into the house. _This is a hell of a lot more than just being neighborly..._

"Okay, move it, people. Come on."

As they walk outside, Mulder and Scully see a man carrying a chair upside down on his head. "Rob and Laura Petrie."

Mulder smiles, a little creepy, "Yep."

_You chose the damn names, at least make people say it right. _"'Pee-trie.'"

"Win Shroeder, next-door neighbor. Welcome home."

"Hi, Win. Nice to meet you."

"Now, don't you folks worry. We'll have you moved in before 6:00." He looks back over his shoulder and yells to another neighbor, "Time?!"

"5:19." _Is OCD contagious?_

He pushes past Mulder and Scully and enters the house, "Uh... pardon me, neighbor."

A long line of people follow him into the house carrying boxes and furniture. They are all smiling (how does Mulder not suspect zombies?).

Mulder is smiling like all the neighbors now, "Thank you. Thanks. Oh, thank you. Thanks. Thank you. Thank you." _Now he's acting almost as creepy as all of them!!_

Scully looks over to the truck and sees a big man picking up a box marked "china." _Oh shit! _She nervously runs over to him. "Excuse me! I'll get that. It's okay." _Please give it to me!!_

"No. No, don't be silly. It's heavy. I got it." As he says this, he hefts it to his shoulder but falls backwards. The shattering of glass is easily heard. _God, fucking, damn it!! _"Oh, no. I'm... I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry."

A woman comes over and tries to calm Big Mike down, "Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike, it's okay. It's okay, Mike. Go help Gordy."

"Send me any bills. I'm... I'm sorry."

Big Mike walks away and Cami and Scully pick up the box together. "I'm Cami Shroeder, by the way. Win's wife." _You people already bug me._

"Nice to meet you. I'm Laura."

----------------------------------------------------------

**Mulder's Thoughts**

Mulder is standing at the back of the truck when movers bring a portable basketball hoop out. "Yeah. Where's this go?"

_This'll be a good test. _"Uh, you can put that in the driveway."

Win overhears this and runs over to them, "Whoa, whoa! Hold on, hold on. Let's... let's talk. Um... A b-ball fan, huh? Shooting hoops-- that's, um, that's not good. That's going to stand out in your front yard over there."

_It's a basketball hoop. Not a rusty car on the front lawn. _Mulder has a very innocent look on his face. "Stand out, Win?"

"Well, as in, uh... not be aesthetically pleasing... to the eye. But, hey, you know, maybe you can get special dispensation from Mr. Gogolak, president of our Homeowner's Association. I'd take it up with him but in the meantime, um... let's keep that in the garage." He chuckles nervously.

Confused, "Just... put it in the garage." _Whatever, dude. At least I know how to get on your nerves later._

"Okay. Let's finish getting you folks moved in. Let's go, people. Let's move! Move!"

Later, Mulder's watch says 5:59. Looking up, the moving truck is driving away and the neighbors are walking away, smiling and waving. They close the door and Scully walks into the living room.

"Oh, yeah. Nothing weird going on around here." He follows Scully into the living room. _This could be a good opportunity to advance our relationship. Or else have fun messing with her head... _"Hey... ooh, wait a minute. You didn't let me carry you over the threshold."

Scully shrugs off her jacket and turns to Mulder. "You ready?"

"Let's get it on, honey." _The weirdoes probably set up the bed. We could really get it on. _

Smiling, "All right, then." She hands him some latex (gloves, unfortunately). She walks over to the box Big Mike dropped and opens it. Glass can be heard rattling. She pulls out a broken piece of equipment and sighs. "Thanks to our friendly neighbors there will be no fluorescein bloodstain enhancement."

Mulder is pulling up the corner of the carpet. _I'm sure they made sure that wouldn't be a problem anyway._ "Not that it makes much difference. This place is so clean you could build computer chips."

Scully pulls out a small video camera and switches it on. She looks at her watch as she starts recording the house and narrating. "Okay. 6:01 p.m., February 24. Agents Scully and Mulder in the former home of David and Nancy Kline who disappeared without a trace last July. The Klines were the third such couple to disappear since this neighborhood was built in 1991. All were apparently stable professional people with no history of violence, domestic discord or mental illness and it took a family member or employee to realize that they were gone including their cars and a few personal items. What local police found in each case was nothing-- just impeccably-manicured homes and a community of neighbors who professed total ignorance that anyone had disappeared."

"That's pretty surprising considering how nutty this bunch is about being neighborly." _Creepy fuckers..._

"The local police departments were at a dead end so they turned to the FBI. AD Skinner, in assigning us this case thought a fruitful approach to the investigation would be if we went undercover posing as prospective home buyers as this planned community would seem to hide a dark, possibly murderous conspiracy of silence."

Mulder walks seductively into the frame and gets very close to the camera. _I've always wanted to make my own video._ "You want to make that honeymoon video now?"

Scully turns the camera off and Mulder sits on the kitchen counter, pulling his gloves off.

"Rob and Laura Petrie?"

_Ha! Now she said it wrong! _"'Pee-trie.'"

"Mulder, if we ever go undercover again I get to choose the names, okay?"

"Fine." _Why does it matter?_

"It just tells me that you're not taking this seriously."

"I'm taking it seriously. I just don't understand why we're on it. It's our first catch back on the X-Files. This isn't an X-File." _Unless all those people are aliens. That would explain some things..._

"Sure it is. It's unexplained. What do you want, aliens? Tractor beams?"

"Wow. Admit it: you just want to play house." _She's having fun!! Fine, I'm gonna have fun, too._

Mulder gets the "look." The doorbell rings and Scully starts for the door.

Obnoxiously, "Woman, get back in here and make me a sandwich!" Scully throws her gloves and hits him in the head, still going to the door. _Somehow, that doesn't surprise me much. _"Did I not make myself clear?"

Opening the door, still with a smile on her face, Scully sees Big Mike holding a box filled with china. "Hi. Well, you didn't need to do that."

"Oh, please. I have more dishes than I need. I just usually use one and then... wash it." Scully smiles, "Uh... I'm... uh, Mike Raskub, by the way."

Shaking hands, "Hi."

"Big Mike, for obvious reasons. I just live the next street over."

Scully notices his necklace. "Oh. That's a caduceus. Are you a doctor, Mike?"

"No, a vet. Veterinarian. If you folks are thinking about getting a dog or any pet I'd be happy to check it out for you, no charge. Just, uh... you're not allowed to have over 16 pounds of pet. That's one of the CC&Rs."

"Mighty nice of you, Mike. I, uh ... gosh, with all this hospitality, I can't believe the Klines ever left." Big Mike looks very uncomfortable and nervous, "That, uh... that was their name, wasn't it? The, uh, the Klines?"

"I have to go."

For the second time in an hour, Scully has something thrust into her arms. Big Mike turns and leaves quickly. Scully closes the door and walks over to Mulder who is scraping something off the top of the ceiling fan blades. She sets the china down.

Mulder..."

"The name ... is Rob." _I will take this seriously, and drive you crazy while I do it._

"What you got there?"

Mulder puts his scraping into an evidence bag and shows it to Scully. It is dark brown, like dry blood. _Evidence! Bah haha!_ "Looks like whoever cleaned this place maybe missed a spot. That look like blood to you?"

"Mm-hmm." Looking up at the fan, "How'd it get way up there?"

---------------------------------------------------------------

**Dinner at the Shroeder's House, Scully's Thoughts**

A little yapping dog begs next to the table. _I miss Quequeg._ "Uh-uh, Scruffy. Go on, now. Sweetheart? Did you use the dolphin-safe tuna this time?"

"Dolphin-safe all the way, Honey."

"We always use the dolphin-safe."

"You've got to love those dolphins ... although they're pretty tasty, too." After a second of shocked silence, Scully laughs nervously. _That's nice, Mulder._

"So... Where'd you two meet?"

Before Scully can speak, Mulder gives his version. "Actually, it was at a UFO conference." _That is not the story we agreed on!_

"Flying saucers? Interesting. Wouldn't have thought you folks would have been into that."

Mulder puts his arm around Scully's shoulders, "Well, it's not me so much as Laura. She's quite the New-Ager. I mean, she's into those magnetic bracelets and crystals and mood rings, what have you. I mean, God bless her she's a sucker for all that stuff." _Now he's going to __**DIE!!!**_

"Well, I wouldn't have guessed that, would you?"

"Mm-mm."

With a fake smile, "No kidding." _Yea, you just go right along with that then..._

"Yeah. You know, Win, uh, when you, uh... when you told me this morning that Big Mike was out of town on business ... I don't think that's true."

"You don't?" _Yup, he knows something. He's already nervous._

"Mmm. No, 'cause we called his office, didn't we, Honey?"

"We did."

"Yeah."

Win clears his throat, obviously uncomfortable.

_Come on Mulder, they're getting nervous. _"We're thinking about getting a dog so we wanted to call him and ask him his advice, whatever, and see if maybe his office had a forwarding number and they said, you know..."

"That he wasn't there. They didn't know where he was." _He's missing._

"Yeah."

Scully waits for a few seconds, "Do you know where he is, Win?"

Cami looks at him. He laughs, still uncomfortable, "Really couldn't tell you." _Liar._

"Mmm. It's got to be something really freaky-deaky, hunh? I mean, for him to lie about it like that? Maybe he's got some wild secret life going on." Mulder looks at Scully and they both laugh quietly. _I can't see Big Mike being "freaky-deaky." _Cami looks very uncomfortable. "But every community has its dark underbelly don't you think?"

This makes Win very defensive. "We don't have any underbelly. As far as I'm concerned this community is the American Dream." _Yea, you're not touchy at all. There is no way he believes everything is perfect here. _

Mulder nods.

Cami stands suddenly, "Um... I'm sorry. I, um... realize that it's past time that I walk Scruffy."

_Maybe I can get something out of her away from Win. _"Would you like company?"

"Yeah."

Mulder and Win stand with the women. Mulder tries to kiss Scully but she air kisses him and moves away. _I am not gonna kiss him unless it's real. And away from these people._ Mulder smirks at Win.

----------------------------------------------------------------

**Mulder's Thoughts**

Later that night in the master bedroom of the "Petrie" house. Scully is in her pj's and robe talking on the phone. "All right, Lieutenant."

Mulder, who is dressed in black, shows her Big Mike's necklace in an evidence bag. Whispering, "Here. Caduceus." _I never thought that a fleece robe and cotton pj's could be so sexy. Uh-oh, bad thoughts._

"Thank you." Scully hangs up and looks at the necklace. "Local PD came up blank on..."

She pauses as Mulder takes off his sweatshirt, revealing a gray shirt, and tosses it across the room, barely missing her head. _Damn, I missed. _"Mike Raskub. No activity on his credit cards. No sighting of his '97 Mercury Villager."

Scully walks into the bathroom and Mulder looks at the laptop. "Yeah, there's no sign of him in his house. I didn't see him in the storm drain, either. I take it he's dead, Scully." _They got him and stuffed him in the sewer. That's a lot of stuffing._

Yelling from the bathroom, "Laura."

Mulder sarcastically mouths "Okay." _Oh, whatever._

"Win Shroeder?"

Looking at the bagged handkerchief, "Mmm, maybe Win cleaning up." _He doesn't have the guts._

"Cleaning up for who?"

"I don't know." _The Fiji Mermaid, perhaps?_

"Mulder, speaking of cleaning up whoever taught you how to squeeze a tube of toothpaste?" _Who cares?! It's toothpaste for god sakes._

Scully sticks her hand out of the bathroom to show his the tube. Mulder doesn't pay attention.

"Hey, what do we know about this stuff?" _It has to be blood. But whos?_

"I'm driving down to San Diego tomorrow and have it analyzed."

"All right."

"Third warning:" sound of toilet seat falling, "Toilet seat." She flushes. _God, did we actually get married when I wasn't looking?_

Mulder looks briefly at the bathroom, then sprawls out on the bed. "Why kill Big Mike?" _What could he have done?_

Scully comes back into the bedroom wearing a headband to keep her hair out of the green muck covering her face. Mulder jumps and sits up when he sees her.

"Whoa!" _What the hell is that shit!! At least it will smash those bad thoughts I was having._

"What's missing here is intent. What would be the motive?"

She chucks the sweatshirt at his head. _At least it wasn't a rock. _"Compulsive neatness, or a lack thereof. Have you noticed how everybody around here is obsessed with the neighborhood rules and the CC&Rs? You know what? You fit in really well here."

Looking at him sprawled on the bed, "And you don't."

Mulder adjusts the pillows, getting comfortable. "Well, anyway, tomorrow I got a, uh, a surefire way of testing out my theory." _I'm gonna introduce some anarchy..._

He pats the bed next to him seductively and wiggles his eyebrows. She raises her eyebrows. Coaxingly, "Come on, Laura, you know... we're married now." _If she's gonna rag on me about the toilet seat and toothpaste, I'm gonna get on her nerves._

"Scully, Mulder. Good night." _Oh, and now we're back to Mulder and Scully._

Mulder gets up, taking a pillow. He stops next to her and leans her way, "The thrill is gone." _One of these days, Scully, we will have our thrill._

Mulder walks out the door. Scully sighs and goes to bed.

-----------------------------------------------------------

**Scully's Thoughts**

Scully pulls into the driveway and gets out of the minivan. She gets a shopping bag out and walks into the house. In the living room, she takes test results out of the bag. Before she can read much, she hears a thump from above her. _What the hell was that? _"Mulder?" She hears another muffled thump and footsteps. "Mulder, is that you?" _That isn't Mulder._

Scully picks up a fireplace poker and holds it like a weapon. _Why can't I have my gun on me? They didn't train me to defend myself with a poker at Quantico. _She heads upstairs to investigate. Now, she hears a noise from downstairs. _Are there two people here?_ Coming back down the stairs, she hears something running behind her in the hall. _Was there something behind me? _Glancing up and seeing nothing, she continues down the stairs where we can still hear noises. Reaching the bottom, she swings the poker at someone at the corner. Mulder ducks and grabs her arm, narrowly stopping her before she whacks him in the head. _Oh, shit, Mulder!!_ "Scull...!"

They both gasp. "Sorry, Mulder. Somebody was in the house."

"Tidying up. Whoever it was, they put away my basketball hoop. Somebody's looking out after us, Scully which may not be a bad thing."

Mulder goes upstairs and Scully follows. _What did he see know?_ "What do you mean?"

"I got a look at that thing that's been scaring everybody and I take it back. This is an X-File." _Shit..._

-----------------------------------------------------------------

"Scully? Scully?" Mulder approaches the bedroom and the destruction in the house gets progressively worse. "Scully?"

Scully pounds on the closet door. _Who is that? _"Mulder?"

"Scully?"

Still in the closet, now sounding very relieved. _Oh, thank god! _"Mulder?"

"Scully, hang on."

Mulder pushes the dresser away from the closet and they both start breaking the slats off the closet door. _Hurry up, hurry up!! I hate small spaces!!_

Gogolak, still cuffed to the mailbox, looks nervous and tries to get free.

"Come here. Help me with this. Win, come here. Win..."

Win hesitates, then starts his way. Cami runs up and grabs his arm. "Win, Win, Win. No. No. He deserves what he gets."

The Shroeder's turns and walk back to their house. Mulder and Scully are still ripping at the closet door.

"Mulder, it was here."

They hear screaming outside.

_It's still here!! _"Mulder!" _Damn it, he left me!?_

Mulder runs out of the room, downstairs and outside. He sees the... thing beating Gogolak. It turns toward him and starts his way. Mulder backs away. Just as it reaches him, Gogolak takes his last breath. The thing disinigrates into clumps of dirt. Mulder pokes at the pile with his foot. Scully finally gets to the door. She, of course, misses all the excitement. _What the hell happened? Where did that dirt come from? _

-------------------------------------------------------------

**Mulder and Scully driving away from the Falls**

_Okay, I need to know what all that was about. I can't stand just wondering. _"Did you have fun messing with them, Mulder?"

"What do you mean, Scully? I was just trying to get them to give me information."

_Oh, bullshit! He didn't have to try to kiss me and touch me all the time to convince them that we're married. _"I'm sure you tried to kiss me and touch me all the time just to mess with them..."

"Do I detect a hint of sarcasm, Agent Scully?"

_No shit, Sherlock... _"I'm serious. What was all that about, Mulder?"

"Would you believe me if I said it was to convince them we were married?"

"No, Mulder, it wouldn't. I want the truth from you. Why were you getting all affectionate?"

"Maybe I like being able to touch you, Scully. Maybe I've wanted to be able to touch you and kiss you for a long time now. Maybe I saw this as an excuse to do that."

_Is he says what I think he's saying? Is he actually going to admit his feelings? _"Is that true, Mulder? Are saying you want to be with me?"

"Look, I know you would never want to date me or anything. I know I messed up your life. You don't need to say anything."

_What? How could he think that? _"Mulder, why do you think you messed up my life?"

"Oh, come on, Scully! If it wasn't for me, you would be married to that guy, Rob, or someone, with a bunch of little Scullys running around."

"Mulder, I don't want that. I don't! If I did, I could have. But the only man I could ever even think about having that with is you!" _I only want little Mulders running around. _As she's talking, Mulder pulls the van over to the side of the road and turns to look at her.

"You want to marry me?"

_Of course I do! _"Mulder, have you never looked at our relationship? We _are_ married except for the piece of paper. You are the one I tell everything too. You are the one I look forward to seeing everyday. I love you, Fox."

"I love you, too, Dana." Mulder leans over the center console, puts his hand on her neck and pulls her forward. He brushes his lips lightly over hers. She moans and presses her lips hard against his.

_Finally._

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**Wow, that was really corny, even for me. But nothing else seemed to work for me. **

**Please review!!!**


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